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Satire: Entertainment Editor Ponders the Oppression of White People

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Satire: Entertainment Editor Ponders the Oppression of White People

Johnny Mocny, Entertainment Editor

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In a time when the United States seems very caught up in black lives and why they matter, I could not help but notice the neglect shown to the real victims of oppression: white people.

Unfortunately, times have never been harder for men and women of the Aryan descent. People seem to have forgotten the strife met by the white folk in the last 10 million years. The disrespect that has been targeting the white race, the race of Albert Einstein, Andy Griffith and Jesus Christ, is nothing short of horrifying.

If you look as far back as the dawn of man, it was the white folk who were victimized by the Native Americans, who tried to convert them to Judaism. Even more recently, people seem to show no respect to the memory of Jeremy Crews, a man who wanted to sit at the back of a bus in Jim Crow-era America. Alas, he was forced back to the front by a prejudiced bus driver.

I dare any colored person to try and live through the pain of wearing nothing but snapbacks on your head. The shape of the head is not in the least proportional to the shape of a snapback, which is perfectly round. Forcing our oval-shaped craniums into such an unnatural place is the Webster’s definition of oppression.

Some teachers showed support of the cause, such as Kaiden Johnson (Science).

“White lives matter incredibly. I would even say they matter more than other lives. Especially the males,” Mitchell said.

When trying to contact Mitchell for a follow-up, I found out he was no longer being employed by the district. Nevertheless, his words should be taken to the deepest depths of your aorta.

Students have voiced their concern, too. Kayleigh Smithson (11) said she agreed with the idea of white oppression.

“White people have struggled with many things. People forget how endangered the white race has been. My dad talks about it all the time at his late night campfire meetings,” Smithson said.

Brad Lewisson (12), leader of the White Student Union, claims that the majority of racial oppression in the U.S. is directed at white people.

“I saw a white man taking out his own trash last week. In fact, my dad has a white friend who is forced to share a house with his own slaves. I am sick and tired of the minorities taking over the world. They’re barely minorities anymore. They’re majorities,” Lewisson said.

Of course, the White Student Union has come under fire for being racist. Lewisson responded to these accusations. “That’s nonsense. I’m not racist in the least. I go to Taco Bell on a regular basis and I sure love those Madea movies. I even have a mixed race friend from my youth group. I think his name is Dwayne.” he said.

Hopefully, the rest of the world will see that this matter is not black and white. It is mostly white.

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Satire: Entertainment Editor Ponders the Oppression of White People